Checking a few things off of my list, and flying away to Acapulco.

Yup, it’s time. I’m leaving in three days. I am flying away to Acapulco for Training. I will miss you all but am TOTALLY STOKED about finally doing this. I’m checking a few things off of my *list* by doing this. YAYY!!!

If you get to thinking about me, or missing me, or just want to know what the heck is going on with me for the next nine or so weeks, please read my Bikram Blog.

I hope you all have a lovely Fall and I look forward to seeing you again in November!

Namaste.

On missing someone…

I saw a friend today that I have not seen in almost six years.  We met, together with my family and another friend, for lunch.  The instant I saw him, it was as if I had just seen him last week.  We embraced and it was like no time had ever passed.  He found me a few months ago online and finally seeing him in person again after all this time was incredible.  He has and has not changed, not unlike myself.  It’s interesting to me how we can yearn for a friend, miss someone deeply; then in one instant see them and feel that surge of joy and excitement.  It’s a lovely fulfillment of a longing for the warmth of caring for someone.  I’ve been chatting with him online, even talking over Skype.  But nothing compares to the embrace, the tangible, the touch of a face-to-face interaction.

As I look forward to leaving soon for Acapulco, now less than five weeks, I reflect on what it means to miss someone.  I miss a lot of people.  I miss friends who I’ve not seen in far too long.  I miss friendships and interactions I have had.  But I feel a deep ache in my heart for how deeply I am going to miss my family when I leave.  This is part of the journey of going to Teacher Training, the missing.  It’s part of what will form me during those 9 weeks away.  But it still hurts.  During our year of engagement Dave and I were separated for six weeks.  I went away to (ironically) Mexico with YWAM to staff an outreach team.  I missed him the moment I got into the van.  I missed him all the way through Utah, Nevada, California, and into the Baja peninsula.  I missed him back into Arizona, New Mexico, and all the way back to Denver.  I missed him.  Badly.

I think we throw this term around a lot, I miss you.  I say it a lot.  I think I am saying it more now than I have in a long while.  But it means different things every time we say it.  What do we miss?  Why do we miss it?  It’s not just about missing the person, it’s about us.  It’s about our needs, our wants, our emotions that are somehow left unattended in the absence of the person or persons we are without for the time.  Missing is about not having the hug, not feeling the warmth of the other person beside you.  Missing is about not having the listening ear, the comforting buzz of a text message that reminds you they’re still…  there.  Missing is about me.

When I saw my friend, we both said the same thing.  Man, I have missed you! We both said it, and we both meant it.  I surely did miss him.  And even now, not five hours after saying goodbye to him, I miss him all over again.

In five weeks, I’ll be in Acapulco.  I’ll be preparing for my first full week of Teacher Training.  I will surely miss my husband, my beautiful sons, and my amazing friends.  I will miss my sister and my mom. I will miss so many people.  But if I am able to remember that they will eventually return to me, it makes the ache a little easier.  I will see my friend again.  And in November I will return to my family after Training.  I will see my friends and family again.  And I am sure, that by that time, I will have new people in my life to miss.  And so the cycle goes.

Where I am, where I’ve been, where I’m going…

I haven’t forgotten you blog.  It must seem that way.  The truth is my life has changed 100 percent in the past month and I’ve been so busy holding on for dear life that I haven’t had as much time to write for writing’s sake as I used to.  I am not complaining, of course, just sharing.

I’m sitting here, my entire house silent.  My guys are all asleep.  It’s not even that late, barely 10 pm.  But it’s been the kind of week that makes this day (Wednesday) feel like it should surely already be Friday.  It’s not, by the way.  Here we are mid-week, all of the life lived already in the past three days seem enough to fill several weeks for certain.

I’m on the eve of a massive life journey.  Really, if you get right to it, the journey began years ago.  Ten years ago, to be exact.  I always wanted to be a yoga teacher.  Now it’s finally happening.  I’m learning the Dialog, really, and it’s happening.  I’m going to class SO MUCH.  I’m preparing, thinking, planning, and praying.. a LOT.  This is who I am now.  Karen, the future Bikram Yoga teacher.  It doesn’t even feel strange.  It feels like the next place I put my foot on the road, the next rung on the ladder.  This is all part of who I am, and who I am meant to be.  My body is stronger, healthier, leaner than ever.  I am a yoga machine, and I like it.  In about six weeks I will board a plane and (eventually) arrive in Acapulco, Mexico.  I will then spend nine weeks immersed in this yoga that has saved my lfie.  I will sweat and sweat and sweat and sweat and sweat.  I will cry, and miss my family.  I will work, and learn, and hope, and think, and imagine life from a new perspecitve.  I will change whether I desire it or not.  I will allow the miracle of my God-given blessings to wash over me.  I will be thankful.

But this is all in the future.  And I am forced now, six weeks out from my departure, to remain present in this life.  I am mom, wife, friend, confidant.  I am who I will always be, and not  yet who I will become.  I have inside of me all the potential, and none of the experience.  It’s a strange station, but also a relief.  One day at a time, I am still here.

I am asked often if I miss my normal life.  I’m still not sure what this means.  The only thing I can surmise is that maybe people wonder if I miss the old life, before I leapt off the cliff and went for my dreams.  I can’t figure out why I would miss that, but I suppose it’s something to ask.  The answer is no, I miss nothing.  I don’t miss the old person.  I don’t miss having “more time to myself when I wasn’t going to yoga all the time.”  Nope, I don’t miss that at all.  This is normal to me now, whatever ‘normal’ is anyway.  Normal always sounds a little bit like a cop-out or an excuse people offer themselves for the doubts and fear they carry over living life just underneath their true potential.  But I might just be projecting…

So Where am I?  Right where I’m meant to be.  Where have I been?  I’ve been here all along, but in a coccoon of sorts.  Changing, going through my metamorphosis.  Where am I going?  In the literal, I am going to Mexico soon for 9 weeks.

I will always be here.  I will always be.  But I hope that when I look back, I see new scenery each time.

In which I try desperately to write about something besides yoga, and fail miserably.

Feels like ages since I’ve written a “normal” blog post. OK so it’s only been a few days, but it feels like much longer. I have a good reason for this. I am six days into my 60 Day Challenge. See, I can’t write without talking about yoga. Sorry, love it or leave it.

My whole life is YOGA YOGA YOGA. And, also LAUNDRY LAUNDRY LAUNDRY!!! OMG does MY yoga mat really smell like that?? Whoa.. more laundry.

Friends, it is official, I am planning to attend Bikram Yoga Teacher Training!! YES! It’s true, I am admitting it fully and openly right here in cyberspace. Enter the paralyzing fear and doubt…. now. Dave and I, after a very long intense conversation, have decided to move forward with this. God willing, I will go next April to the 2009 Spring Training. Yes, that’s ten months away. Also, YES I AM FREAKING OUT TOO!

So, what does that mean? That means I have ten months to learn Bikram’s MASSIVE dialog, ten months to get my money together (YOWZA), and ten months to kick my own ass into shape. It also means I have ten months to work all these tiiiiny details out. Details like: OH! by the way I’ll be in Acapulco for nine weeks, I won’t be around my kids for that time, oh and HELLO it’s in MEXICO!!! Yes, there’s a lot to be worked out. But never fear, this mamma’s got a plan. And a whole HEAP of support from every single person I’ve told (or who has sneakily found out, JENNIE BALLEW!!!!). In fact, since we’re on that subject; WOW is everyone supportive. Jen almost climbed over the desk to hug me this morning when we were chatting and all of my friends – while I am preeety sure they’ve decided I am insane – are ecstatic. That part feels great. And I’m sure as the next few months roll on, and the day draws nearer, I will need all of those hugs and cheers. Because HELLO IT’S NINE WEEKS OF BIKRAM YOGA.. OH MY GOD….

*ahem* But I am really really excited. I really am. I’ve wanted to do this for so long. And it’s weird to finally decide to do it. I mean, we talk about it, right?? I’ve talked about it. I even put it on my “List.” And (yes, THANKS Chantelle) once it’s done, I will have accomplished 2 of the things I have always wanted to do my whole life. Maybe three, I’ll have to check the list.

So, yes, YOGA YOGA YOGA! This is my life, and will be my life now, well… for good. I’m still processing this reality. Give me a few months.

The Challenge is going well. I’m feeling great and writing about it a lot. So check out my other blog when you start missing me, OK??

Love to you all!