How to buy a High Efficiency washing machine.

Perhaps the most pivotal detail in finding your perfect High Efficiency washer is the critical first step of needing one. Let’s say you have a washer that’s just over two years old that you’ve been repetitively abusing for the majority of those two years. Let’s just say, also – for conversation sake, that that sweet little washer wasn’t maybe the best washer you could have gotten. Not really even a great washer, more just a washer that fit and you could afford when you bought your house. Just for conversation sake, OK??

So, that sad little Whirlpool has been dutifully washing your filthy yoga mats for years. It’s already been repaired once, replacing something to do with the spinning action. Let’s say the repairman who came to fix it warned you against washing “heavy large items” that could “damage the spin belts..” And let’s also say for conversation sake that you didn’t so much listen.

So now you have an almost useless top loading washing machine. It’s leaking water all over your (thank GOD) ceramic tile and making hideous noises when it spins. You continue using it praying it will keep going, and then one day, poof!! it’s over. Your sad little washer says no more, gives up, and commits suicide. Let’s just go with that.

You are now left with the painful decision of whether you should hire someone to fix it or replace it. You decide given the fact that the repair will cost almost as much as you originally paid for the machine that replacing it is a far better idea.

Now you at least need a new washing machine. So, obviously you must have a Cadillac, right? You’ve learned your lesson about cheap washers and are sick of the drama. So you immediately bury yourself in reviews of the best HE washers on the market.

Now, one thing that I will lovingly share here that I didn’t really know about the process is that you can read a billion reviews and they will make you insane!!! Unless the machine gets truly awful ratings, you are going to want to know more. So I found that it’s helpful to know that there are a few different categories for HE washers. Here are the three that I found.

Category 1 The Beauty Queens: These are your designer washing machines. They’re red, blue, silver, black. Most of them are seductively nice to look at but returned slightly below average ratings for overall functionality.

Category 2 The Knock-Off’s: These are your deceptively inexpensive HE’s. The pricetag is tempting, but one quick review of their noise ratings should send you running the other way.

Category 3 The Workhorses: These machines are expensive and they can kick your ass. They make zero apologies for only coming in white and will happily remind you just why spending close to three month’s mortgage on a washer isn’t such a bad idea.

Now in my brief experience (2 days research), I found there are a few in-betweens, but they’re hard to find. Your best bet is to stick with a workhorse. Pick something big, 4.0 cu ft. capacity will happily tackle enough for a family of five, and don’t cheap out.

Once you’ve picked the machine, there’s a learning curve. BE PREPARED for the learning curve. I’ve been a top loader girl for my whole life. Using a front loading beast was new territory for me. YOU CAN overfill it and it will sound like a herd of wild antelope are trying to break into your house. Also, there is a GOOD reason special soaps are available for HE machines. Just go get some and don’t complain. You don’t want to have to wait an hour to rinse and rerinse all that regular soap out of your towels. Also, while these machines DO launder more items at once, they take easily twice the time of a top loader to do a load. An hour per load is standard. Just so you know. You should also be prepared to find that while the machine is freakishly quiet while it washes, it does emit a peculiar airplane propeller hum when it spins. They tell me this does not damage your hearing long term.

The goods far outweigh any perceived bads with these washers. My clothes have NEVER been cleaner. They come out nearly dry because of the freakish spin action. I am also told these monsters use far less water and power to run. I guess only time will be the tell on the “savings” of the machine, but I can say for sure that I am happy with the condition of my clothing.

Whie I probably shouldn’t recommend a specific brand BUY A MAYTAG, I can say that the reviews that I read on my specific machine were some of the highest ratings out there.

So, good luck and happy washing!!

Confession of the day:

Hello, my name is Karen. I am obsessed with being properly hydrated.

The Difference between Christmas and Hanukkah

If anyone asks you what the difference is between Christmas and Chanukah, you will know what and how to answer!

1. Christmas is one day, same day every year, December 25. Jews also love December 25th . It’s another paid day off work. We go to movies and go out for Chinese food and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is 8 days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non-Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don’t look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from the World Jewish Congress , the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida) or other Jewish funeral home.

2. Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.

3. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos….Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or the collected works of the Rambam.

4. There is only one way to spell Christmas. No one can decide how to spell Chanukah , Chanukkah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah , Hannukah, etc.

5. Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts. Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah.

6. Christmas brings enormous electric bills.Wax candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis.

7. Christmas carols are beautiful…Silent Night, Come All Ye Faithful….Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or having a party and dancing the hora. Of course, we are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by our tribal brethren. And don’t Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully?

8. A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in festive moods. A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes, and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking at once.

9. Parents deliver gifts to their children during Christmas mornings. Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift on any of the eight nights.

10. The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus , Judah Maccabee, and Matta whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history.

11. Many Christians believe in the virgin birth. Jews think, “Joseph, you shmuck, snap out of it. Your woman is pregnant, you didn’t sleep with her, and now you want to blame God. Here’s the number of my shrink.”

12. In recent years, Christmas has become more and more commercialized. The same holds true for Chanukah , even though it is a minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating. Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for 27 hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your chest, confess your sins, a guaranteed good time for you and your family. Tickets a mere $200 per person.

Happy Chanukah!